Correctly identifying a harmful conformity group (HCG) matters, because then we can know how to interact with the group. A different approach is required if you are dealing with a criminal gang or an oppressive government rather than a HCG.
Harmful conformity groups are just that: harmful. Their harm must be guarded against, repaired, and if possible, stopped entirely. But how do we do that?
First, we must recognize that the leaders themselves are beyond help or rehabilitation. Members of HCGs can be brought back, but leaders cannot. They would rather die. Like all narcissists, they cannot be reasoned with. They will not change their ways because of logical or impassioned appeals. Petitioning them to change their behavior is pointless. It’s a waste of time to try to understand their reasons or speculate on their motives, because they don’t really have any. They will say and do whatever they think is necessary to maintain control over the group.
Second, we must recognize that the organization itself cannot be repaired. No HCG has ever reformed in any meaningful way. By the time an organization becomes a HCG, it has become nothing but an extension of the leader’s own mind. And because the leader will never surrender the power they have acquired, the organization cannot change. It can only be abandoned.
Third, if we are to convince people to leave the group, we must use a therapeutic approach. This approach will not include personal attacks, belittling speech, and it certainly does not include the shunning of these individuals. We can never reach people in HCGs unless we make a personal, genuine connection with them. And because their entrapment in the group is not based on ideas but rather behavior, it is the behaviors we must focus on. Behaviors of course have ideological components, but once behavior has become a habit, the reasons behind it often become obscured or forgotten. The members will have to be persuaded that these behaviors are harmful to themselves and others if they can ever be convinced to resist or abandon them.
It is worth mentioning here that these members are not “brainwashed” and they cannot be “deprogrammed.” Brainwashing is not a real thing, at least not how people typically think of it. You cannot force an individual to do things that are contrary to their own will or mind; there has to be at least some level of participation from the individual. People’s wills can be subverted or broken through psychological manipulation, but they cannot be reprogrammed to do things against their own mind. So-called “deprogramming” is not some sort of psychological magic that roots out a virus installed in the brain; it is therapy to help the victim unlearn the unhealthy messages that they have internalized. In that sense it is no different from any other type of therapy that helps people break bad habits, cope with anxieties, and improve their self-image and self-actualization. The only difference lies in the intensity and difficulty.
We must realize that the people in HCGs are people. There is not something weak-minded, foolish, or uneducated about them that got them into this situation: it can happen to anyone. Very intelligent, capable, and educated people have been drawn into HCGs. We accomplish nothing by writing them off or condemning them. To rescue them, and stop the harm of the group, we must care about them and connect with them, however we can. This may not always be possible, but it is the only strategy that has a hope of working.
This is part 5 in a series. To start with part 1, click here. To continue to part 6, click here. To download the entire essay as a single document, click here.